07 April 2011

Baby Girl

We found out yesterday that this little sprout growing inside of me is a girl! As most know, I was a little desperate for this news...I've wanted a girl so badly. Up until the moment the ultra sound tech said the words, I was praying for contentment and joy if the gender were boy instead. And I trust that the Lord would have given me such love and happiness for him, were he a him. For months I prayed over and over for this, and God gave me several verses that comforted me as I needlessly stressed over something I had no control over: "I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord..." "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
and before you were born I consecrated you..." and "The plans of the heart belong to man, But the answer of the tongue is from the Lord." He also showed me how small my own ideas are compared to His. I realized that this little ones life is already in God's will and ultimate plan, and how could I possibly be disappointed in something God had already so purposefully ordained? A friend confirmed this, and so I began to feel a little better, yet continued to pray for a genuine desire to desire the things of God, rather than my own ideas of what would be perfect for my life.

So after all of this worry, the moment the tech said, "how about a girl?" (her exact words), I cried, as absolutely expected. I think I said, "really?" through my tears and then asked if she was 100% sure. She said, "how about 99.9%?" and I was quite satisfied with that answer! After the ultra sound, I rushed to the bathroom and alone in the stall, sobbed for a couple of minutes while praising God for answering my prayers. I wanted a girl for various reasons, ranging from how fun it will be to buy girl clothes, to having a balanced family without pressure to have a third, to the adult relationship I wish to have with her once she is grown up with her own family. Oh, such joy!

This amazing joy was clouded a bit by our doctor's news of a Choroid Plexus Cyst on the baby's brain. He assured us that he had never seen anything come of one of these, but he needed to disclose it to us. He downplayed it so much, I honestly didn't worry much at all about it at the time. However, come to find out later that day, Matt was worrying enough for both of us. He looked it up online and of course learned the worst case scenarios. After a bit more research together that night, we were both comforted that truly is there rarely anything abnormal that comes from a CPC, and that God is in control nonetheless. The doctor wants to continue to keep an eye on it, and so we will probably have several more ultra sounds before the birth. 1 our of 100 babies have this, and so it is not a rare diagnosis. We will continue to keep it in prayer, but are trying not to worry much about it.

Baby girl, I can't wait to hold you and kiss you and know you. I am so thankful that you get to be mine, and I will love you unconditionally no matter what. Thank you God for this blessing!