Today is January 5th and in Chambers' book, My Utmost for His Highest, he ends the day's entry saying that when we receive the Holy Spirit, "the idea is that of invasion." We are completely captured by the Spirit. We can not rely on our merits, our goodness, our intelligence, our talents...we are to rely on the Spirit. We have to come to "the end of ourselves" says Chambers before we stop relying on ourselves.
And that's the hard part. What does coming to the end of myself look like? This would be fantastic to figure out because I'd really like to not be quite so selfish. Really, I would. But that is hard. For me at least, it's really hard. Just like Donald Miller says, I am the center of my universe and everyone around me is an actor on my stage. I may try to mask this; and I certainly don't think in these terms in the everyday, but when I reflect on how I live my life, this is sadly a fairly accurate account.
So one of my prayers tonight, is that the Spirit would so invade me that I don't know what it's like to NOT rely on him alone.
I'm ready to feel this little nugget move so that I can connect to him/her a bit more. Just like I felt about Noah when I was pregnant with London, it's hard to think of London not being my baby, but the second I meet this new guy or gal, that mysterious unknown will make itself clear instantly. Everyone will have their rightful place.
I have a hunch that it's a boy, but my instincts have been wrong with both kiddos so far, so who knows! We'll find out late next month.
And finally, on a lighter note, I have been invaded with the coolness that is a Mac Pro. My darling Mr. surprised me with it at Christmas, and I actually teared up. Again, I'm completely self-absorbed and am clearly finding some sort of ridiculous satisfaction in consumeristic goodies. Can I call a Mac a goodie? It feels like one. Anyway, I do love it and am so grateful for it!
Now, if I can just figure it out.